Wingardium Leviosa!

JK Rowling is obviously not encouraging kids to learn witchcraft. She's trying to teach us Latin!

Here's Your Sign...

"I got the 7th book on the midnight that it came out, and then I finished it by the following midnight."

"So do you like them?"

"No. I was really eager to read it because I hate them."

"Cory, do you have any problems with the Harry Potter books?"

"Well, no, but when I finished them, I felt this overwhelming urge to go worship Satan."

I'm not a salad guy...

Erik: "What's for dinner tonight?"
Me: "They don't really have one tonight. There's just a bunch of salad out there."
Erik: "Really?"
Me: "I mean they're serving chef salad for dinner tonight."
Erik: "Oh."

One week had a Korean translator...

Our speaker that week was really good, but that Korean guy kept interrupting him.

(Our speaker is old...)

Speaker: "I lived before there were computers."
My mind: "That's not really living."

So awful...

"Our trip to Rwanda includes at least a two week stint in Uganda. We'll be working with child soldiers there."

"What will you be doing with them?"

"By 'working,' I mean 'training.' We find we get more bang for our buck with child soldiers than we do when we use conventional soldiers."

At our community service night...

I was wearing gloves to hand out cookies, and a lady hands me a pair of tongs, saying it's more hygienic that way, and I really wanted to say, "Oh that's great. These will also be useful for scratching my arse."

Canadian Humor

I learned a construction coworker enjoyed racist humor, and after I shared a bunch of jokes about Mexicans, he said, "Oh yeah, I guess you guys have jokes about Mexicans. For us, it's Natives." "Like what?"

"How do you starve a Native?

Hide his welfare check under his work boots."

She was talking about the candy...

"My favorite are the yellow Nerds."

"You know, 'Asian' is the more politically correct term."

I'm not making this up.

There's a book that the SBS'ers have to read where it has 30 days of prayer for 30 injustices (one each day). Here's a section of the list...

...
14. Abortion
15. Eating Disorders
16. China
17. Drugs Abuse
18. Human Trafficking
...

China? l.o.l.

That's What She Said!!!!

"I thought there was a bone in there, so I was just going around it, but the whole thing is hard." (The pork chop was tough.)
"Just put it in the back side." (of the truck)
"Go ahead. I can take it." ([don't censor your jokes for me])
"Just stick it in my mouth." (a slice of the pizza on my lap while riding on a truck; she stuck her head through the window and saw it.)
"Do it to yourself." (the analysis that the lecturer was doing to students)

Haha

I hope I'm an optimist, but I'm probably a pessimist.