We have a very long-winded speaker...

I'd like to do an impersonation of David Hamilton, except that I don't want to spend an hour making just one point.

I don't mean this. I promise.

You know, there's a saying about Koreans... Can't live with 'em... .

It's been working...

There's a guy named Erik KIM that makes the occasional rude comment, so I've taken to squirting him with water after such comments to condition him to stop. I find that water is a great, non-violent way to train pets and Koreans.

Wingardium Leviosa!

JK Rowling is obviously not encouraging kids to learn witchcraft. She's trying to teach us Latin!

Here's Your Sign...

"I got the 7th book on the midnight that it came out, and then I finished it by the following midnight."

"So do you like them?"

"No. I was really eager to read it because I hate them."

"Cory, do you have any problems with the Harry Potter books?"

"Well, no, but when I finished them, I felt this overwhelming urge to go worship Satan."

I'm not a salad guy...

Erik: "What's for dinner tonight?"
Me: "They don't really have one tonight. There's just a bunch of salad out there."
Erik: "Really?"
Me: "I mean they're serving chef salad for dinner tonight."
Erik: "Oh."